How to Survive a Blizzard.

Last Friday, I imagine that a team of meteorologists high-fived each other and whooped giddily into the night. Why? Because all the forecasts and “models” were proven true: a blizzard was expected, and a blizzard came. For the past five days, most of us in the East Coast and Mid-Atlantic have been holed up in our homes, excused from work and school, loading up on carbs as if the things were going out of style. Which leads me to why I’m taking a break from doing absolutely nothing to present you with this post: if you’ve never experienced a blizzard, here are a few handy tips on how to get through one. In case your area sees one this weird winter.

1. Food. As I said above, throw away any goals to maintain healthy eating during this time at home. No salads, no wheat, no spinach smoothies. (Why do people want spinach in liquid form, may I ask?) Just give in. Eat those Oreos. Eat that white bread. Stop pretending as if you’re going to do squats. You’re not going to. You’re going to hole yourself up in a comforter like Nanook and sit on the couch and listen to your stomach expand. (This may or may not have happened to the person currently typing this.)
2. Netflix. Blizzard, you say? Time to binge-watch. Personally, I’ve been watching hours and hours of ITV’s Agatha Christie’s Poirot, with the brilliant David Suchet as the mustachioed detective. Throw in a ton of episodes of Murder, She Wrote and the adorable British series Rosemary and Thyme, and I basically now believe that 1) I could have a thriving career as a private detective and 2) I’m 100% British.
3. Patience. If you live with your family as I do, try your very best to remember that you love and cherish them. Because after five days together inside the same house, you will entertain pretty murderous thoughts about each and every one of them. You just will. But if you find yourself approaching one of them stealthily from behind, though, with your fists clenched, might be time to separate yourself from the pack.
4. Laptop. If possible, force your lazy fingers to log into the network at the office and do some work remotely. Better to take care of things along the way than get back to the office to find 1,000 emails waiting to steal your soul.

That’s all, friends. That’s how I survived. May you do the same. Of course, this is the last time I intend on following my own list because I’m getting out of here. This is my last dance with snow. But we’ll talk about that later, won’t we?

Onwards and snowards…