Blogtober #19: do your Fall Friday dance.

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Even with endless rainy days (it’s been raining here for a full two weeks, reader) and minor disappointments in life (I’ll spare the details and provide them for another post, but let’s give you one clue: men), you’ll find This Square Peg moving in some fashion during the day. Even if it’s chair dancing at the office, a little jig in the ladies’ loo, full out imitations of Janet Jackson’s Pleasure Principle video in the gym–I’m always moving.

Little joys that come from responding to the songs in my ear and/or the songs in my head. Can’t beat that. At some point today, dance if you can.

Happy Fall Friday, just keep swimming (which we’re doing here in Texas), and bon weekend.

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Confetti Explosions and Things of that Nature.

It’s official.

Like really official.

I’ve been sitting on this news for a while until it was official official. And now…

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I was chosen as a guest contributor for The Maria Antoinette, a beauty/hair/lifestyle/fashion website.

!!!!

That in itself was amazing to be chosen. But even better?

My first contribution to the site is now live.

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The excitement and gratitude is real, you guys. This here blog fills me with joy, of course, as well as every single thing related to my writing, my creative works, everything. But to see my contribution up and to read my words…it’s both unreal and super cool.

Here’s the link to my piece: https://themariaantoinette.com/2017/06/29/cover-girl-no-more-four-reasons-i-wont-hide-my-bathing-suit-this-summer/

Read, comment, like, all those things. But above all: thank you for your support!

*cue confetti*

“…the thief of joy.”

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For the first official post of 2016, I wanted to highlight something I feel very strongly about. As an adolescent, as a teenager, as a young woman, I suffered from an insidious type of thievery: comparing myself to others. It was a sickness. I even, at times, compared myself to myself. As in sizing myself up and determining that the person I was in that present was worse than the person I was in the past. Again, a sickness. Negative, toxic, terrible to myself. But when you don’t feel that you’re enough, it’s what you do. It didn’t happen overnight, of course, but thank goodness for the moment This Square Peg realized that not only was she enough, but she was everything. In other words: I’m incomparable. And so are you.

Don’t let that thief in. Look in your mental mirror (even a physical mirror, if you have to) and find you, not anyone else. Find just the beauty inside, not the flaws and inadequacies that seem to jump out quicker. When the flaws ultimately manifest themselves, because they will, smile at those pesky things. Laugh at them if you need to. I don’t diminish the personal goals we all need to set for ourselves, the self-improvement we all choose to do in life, but let those things be yours alone. If others must come into our minds in terms of what they’re doing with their lives, admire them. Make them your cheerleaders. But focus on you, and do that quickly, before that little voice starts making you believe that you’re not enough. Find the joy that comes from wholly knowing that no one can compare to you.

The Wedding.

Like I said, I chose to be joyful.

On Saturday, two of my friends got married. It was a lovely wedding–sweet, simple, understated. I got to see good friends and family and dance these weak knees into lovely oblivion. And, if you’re wondering…

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Overall, I was happy. Inside this mind and heart, however, was a different, rather interesting scene. See, the thing is…back in the day, years and years ago (11 years, I think), I was massively infatuated with the groom. I mean, it was…it was acute. I was done the moment I met him. Let’s move on. Obviously, nothing became of it. My crushdom lasted for a good, long while, and then it departed, as all crushes do, to that place of resignation and acceptance of reality.

To see him marry his love wasn’t easy. To see how he had matured, to see the man he had become, to see him–quite difficult. Back then, all those years ago, I had imagined a similar day with him as a groom but with a different bride. (Guess who?) Nevertheless, I chose to be joyful, remember? So when the past would come creeping and knocking on my heart, I immediately detached myself. I focused on my yummy chicken dinner, my mom’s amazing performance on the dance floor, taking photos of my girls and the venue. I refused to allow the past to trump or to triumph. Did I succeed at being joyful the entire evening? I’ll say this. My intent was to go the whole evening avoiding the groom. Honestly. I didn’t even want to congratulate him. I wanted to hug and congratulate the bride and just be done with it. But that didn’t happen. The ole conscience wouldn’t allow it. I hugged and kissed her, and then, with a deep breath, I approached him and congratulated him. He kissed me on the cheek and thanked me for coming. I almost shed tears. Almost. But it was the past joining hands with the present–what else could I do but almost shed tears? Yet, I didn’t. I smiled and resumed my dancing.

All that said, all those moments aside, arming myself with joy helped. Going in with the self promise of having a good time and detaching myself from melancholy and memory helped. A glass of Verdi Spumante would have helped, too, but water was just fine. My point is that although my feelings for this individual had long dissipated and departed, I’m only human. It was important to walk through those doors with a determination to just enjoy myself. And that, I did.

It was a beautiful day.

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