Whew. The accuracy.
I saw this post on the ‘Gram and felt like discussing.
So, although “no” is a complete sentence (just like yes), most people don’t hear it that way. Agree? Most of the time, a “no” is followed by a “why not?” from the hearer or them giving you a run-down on why your response should be in the affirmative. Even a polite “no, thank you,” which, to me, should stop a conversation because I’ve said no and I’ve added courtesy to it, doesn’t always suffice for the requester. Reasons must be given. Responses must be qualified. Well, here you go for reasons and qualifications: because I don’t want to. And facts, right? Because you simply don’t want to.
I do wonder if all the above springs from childhood and adolescence. When the Terrible Twos come and little ones find their “no,” they’re usually saying that in response to things they need. Bedtime. Healthy snacks. Listening to mom and dad. The majority of us were taught to not respond negatively to things we needed. Perhaps we take that into adulthood, the politeness of agreeing, even though we now can decide what we want or don’t want to do.
I found my “no” when I learned to esteem myself. Being a people pleaser as an adolescent/teen meant agreeing to things I had no interest in and/or deeply wanting people to like me, although I still intriguingly maintained a level of control over bigger things. It was an interesting dichotomy. I wanted my peers to like me, but I was also resolved not to compromise certain values. Anyway, I digress. For the most part: it felt weird for me to say “no” back then. That’s not the case now.
My bestie and I were laughing the other day because she asked me to try a few things and I said “no” to each one. She was like, you’re a stubborn one, aren’t you? She’s the bestie so there wouldn’t be applied pressure but it got me thinking. For me, saying no to new things may mean missing out on certain experiences because I simply don’t want to engage in them. That can be a blurry line. But c’est la vie. Free will, self-determination, so on. You get my drift. The point is: a no is a no is a no.
How do you feel about saying no?
This Square Peg. 
I love this! I love the point about how people might apply pressure because as children we always say no to things we need. And then the people pleaser phase!
I find it hard to say no to people I’m close to or love because sometimes those people – it takes them a lot to ask for things they need or want, so if you say no once its like they will never let you know when they need something again. But generally, at this age, I have to say no when I can’t do things. And after years of people pleasing, I’ve come to peace with the fact that saying yes in a certain moment won’t satisfy anyone indefinitely.
Interesting point about those who don’t usually ask for things seeing “no” as a deterrent for them speaking up again. Never considered that before. Thanks for sharing. ☺️
I tapped the “Like” tab but I need a “Love” tab on this one girl! Whew! I’ve always been a fan of “no” being a complete sentence but when you said “just like yes”, that blew my mind a bit… never thought of it that way but that’s absolutely right!
Yes is usually immediately accepted, no explanations necessary. But hit somebody with a “no” (which is a valid response because a yes or no question was asked!) & you’re required to give all the qualifiers! 😳
Have you seen the Friends episode where Ross (I think) was asking everyone to help with something or for some favor & when he got to Phoebe, she said “no, I can’t”. When asked why, “Oh, because I don’t want to”. 😄 I’ve never forgotten that & use it as a life lesson. This breakdown was just so so good! 👏🏾
Thank you! I find it highly fascinating that “yes” is quickly accepted and “no” isn’t. Definitely got me thinking and then examining my relationship with the word. I’ve seen all the Friends episodes 😂😂 and yet can’t remember that one, but seems like something Phoebe would say. ☺️ Thanks again for reading!