Whew. The accuracy.
I saw this post on the ‘Gram and felt like discussing.
So, although “no” is a complete sentence (just like yes), most people don’t hear it that way. Agree? Most of the time, a “no” is followed by a “why not?” from the hearer or them giving you a run-down on why your response should be in the affirmative. Even a polite “no, thank you,” which, to me, should stop a conversation because I’ve said no and I’ve added courtesy to it, doesn’t always suffice for the requester. Reasons must be given. Responses must be qualified. Well, here you go for reasons and qualifications: because I don’t want to. And facts, right? Because you simply don’t want to.
I do wonder if all the above springs from childhood and adolescence. When the Terrible Twos come and little ones find their “no,” they’re usually saying that in response to things they need. Bedtime. Healthy snacks. Listening to mom and dad. The majority of us were taught to not respond negatively to things we needed. Perhaps we take that into adulthood, the politeness of agreeing, even though we now can decide what we want or don’t want to do.
I found my “no” when I learned to esteem myself. Being a people pleaser as an adolescent/teen meant agreeing to things I had no interest in and/or deeply wanting people to like me, although I still intriguingly maintained a level of control over bigger things. It was an interesting dichotomy. I wanted my peers to like me, but I was also resolved not to compromise certain values. Anyway, I digress. For the most part: it felt weird for me to say “no” back then. That’s not the case now.
My bestie and I were laughing the other day because she asked me to try a few things and I said “no” to each one. She was like, you’re a stubborn one, aren’t you? She’s the bestie so there wouldn’t be applied pressure but it got me thinking. For me, saying no to new things may mean missing out on certain experiences because I simply don’t want to engage in them. That can be a blurry line. But c’est la vie. Free will, self-determination, so on. You get my drift. The point is: a no is a no is a no.
How do you feel about saying no?